Can Cambo come back?

Who would have thought? Michael Campbell is a warmer favourite than Tiger Woods to win the US Open!

Go Cambo, you good thing. We'll just forget the small matter of Tiger pulling out of the tournament because of injury.

Yes, it's Open time again. And our dear Cambo, by virtue of his utterly shocking victory in 2005, is in the middle of a 10-year exemption that allows him to play in one of the world's four great tournaments despite being one of the world's four worst golfers.

I love Cambo. Love him. He's a glorious mix of success and failure, of sheer talent and inner demons.

It still doesn't seem real that he won a major, forever linking him with the immortal Sir Bob Charles in the pantheon of New Zealand golfers.

Since then . . . well, shit, I've played better golf. Cambo's had injuries and a form slump so deep he's made the Black Caps look consistent.

Still, he's been in better form of late. And his coach thinks he can win again.

As for who will ACTUALLY win this tournament, who knows? Golf is so supremely weird. It's an elite game, yet an absolute no-name like Charl Schwartzel can win one of the major tournaments.

This column sums up the wide open nature of the Open. And this piece by Rick Reilly - who has been in bloody good form lately - is a hell of a yarn.

State of ohhhhhh

So there I was, all set to write something about State of Origin losing its magic.

My argument was going to be threefold. That:

1) The cleaning up of the game - i.e. the lack of biff - had taken a lot of the sting out of the series;

2) The excessive hype and commercialisation surrounding the event had dulled its impact;

3) Queensland's domination in recent years had also contributed.

And then along came last night's second game of the 2011 series, with New South Wales beating Queensland in Sydney.

It's just the shot in the arm the series needed. The stage is now set for a heck of a game three in a couple of weeks. And with Queensland showing signs of complacency - not to mention old age - some serious momentum could be returning to the Blues camp.

I'm a Queensland fan. Don't know why. Just gravitated towards the maroons when I started following league in 1990-91.

So I was just in time for a run of six seasons (1992-97) in which New South Wales won five series out of six. With the likes of Brad Fittler and Laurie Daley and Rod Wishart and Paul Harragon, the Blues were just too good.

That's why I have enjoyed being on the other side of the fence over the last six years, with one of the great Queensland teams dominating Origin.

Billy Slater, Darren Lockyer, Johnathan Thurston, Greg Inglis and co have simply had too much class for a New South Wales team that seems to be constantly rebuilding. Or, you know, has been dealing with scandal.

But somewhere along the line, State of O has definitely lost some of its magic. For me, at least. It still seems to attract big crowds and huge public interest.

Maybe it's just because I got older and developed other interests and priorities. Maybe I started to lose touch with some of the personalities. I'm not sure.

Anyway, I'll certainly be watching game three. Hoping for a Queensland win. Hoping it will be dramatic. And hoping for just a little bit of this:

Haka ha ha ha

Holy shit! Twenty posts into my blog and I have only mentioned the haka once.

Time to remedy that. And thankfully, we have this video of American basketball superstar Dwight Howard doing the dance of war with the New Zealand Colts rugby team as a starting point.

Weird, eh, that a massive black dude who earns US$16 million a year - check out the magnificent transparency of American sports - should be hanging with a bunch of pimply-faced New Zealand rugby players.

Such is the power of adidas, the German sports giant that is one of the major controllers sponsors of New Zealand rugby.

(An aside: a rugby-loathing colleague loves to point out the irony of the fact the All Blacks ditched long-serving and local jersey manufacturer Canterbury for adidas, only for the Wallabies, in 1999, and the Springboks, in 2007, to win World Cups wearing Canterbury.)

So there's big Dwight, doing a half-passable job of Ka Mate alongside the cream of our rising rugby crop.

As haka-gates go, it can't possibly compare with the Spice Girls giving it a go in Bali in 1997, or Premier League football scum club Everton doing a "he-ha haka" and coming up with a black - and pink! - jersey.

And it's not near as bad as an Italian car company doing an ad with WOMEN performing the haka.

The haka has created so many headlines in recent years. We've had the All Blacks getting the pip in Cardiff and performing the haka inside their changing room; the French getting in the All Blacks' faces before the 2007 World Cup quarterfinal (obviously a good tactic); gingerbread men doing the haka; New Zealand chef de mission Dave Currie overdoing the haka.

Just this year, the NZRU has signed a deal - for a few dollars, one presumes - with the Ngati Toa tribe over the use of the haka, and it has been revealed visitors for the Rugby World Cup will be encouraged to learn the haka.

Most famously, of course, the All Blacks felt the need to invent their own haka, and unveiled Kapa o Pango at Carisbrook before a test against the Springboks in 2005. The new haka ended with a bizarre throat-slashing gesture, which was explained away as some sort of mystical drawing-life-into-our-lungs movement, but which was later altered to a less-offensive action.

Am I the only one who is haka-ed out?

Look, I was there in 2005, and there was genuine excitement when the new haka was unveiled. I've been as moved by the haka before significant tests as anyone else.

But the All Blacks have been far too precious about it over the years. They've also made the big mistake of claiming the haka is theirs, when in fact it belongs to all of us.

I also hate seeing the haka being done by so many different sports teams. To my mind, the haka should only be performed by the All Blacks, and by First XVs before traditional interschools.

A couple of excerpts from my previous columns.-

•White men can't haka
The Black Caps will be on high haka alert following the appointment of veteran Olympic official and noted war dance fan Dave Currie to the position of manager.
Given Currie's predilection for breaking out Ka Mate at the mere hint of New Zealand success, we can expect plenty of thigh-slapping fun should Brendon McCullum smash a century or Iain O'Brien take five wickets.  
----
• The haka was embarrassing . . .
Bejaysus. Now the Irish are doing the haka.
Well, not exactly the Irish. There was a Samoan, a Tongan, a Maori and a weedy white guy with a moustache belting out the war dance at Limerick's lovely Thomond Park on Wednesday morning.
Oh, and they were members of the home team. That's Munster. An Irish rugby team. Doing the haka, not a jig.
I don't know where to start. Just when you think there couldn't possibly be an embarrassing haka to match the one performed by the petulant All Blacks inside their dressing room in Cardiff three years ago, along come Rua Tipoki and company.
It was awful, bile-inducingly awful, to see members of a second-string Irish rugby team performing the haka in front of the second-string All Blacks.
The haka is already overdone and there is no place for it to be performed by players on the books of an overseas club.
It also sets a precedent. Teams around the world are stacked with expatriate New Zealanders. Feel free to haka away, gentlemen.
----
• The haka drama continues
My feelings on the haka are (1) it is overdone, (2) the All Blacks get far too precious about it, and (3) it is overdone, especially by skinny white guys, bronze medallists and Ali Williams.
The horror continues.
First we have a haka hooha in the oxymoronically-named Rugby League World Cup, with the English snubbing the Kiwis' haka by turning their backs and discussing the latest happenings on Coronation Street in a huddle.
Outrage, mutterings of disrespect . . . the reaction was predictable.
Then some Irish plonker with a column goes off at the All Blacks, says that everybody hates them and labels the haka a "leery war dance". Brave stuff when your country has never tasted victory against the All Blacks.
But all this is nothing next to some potentially disturbing news coming out of an area close to my heart.
The Last Word understands the North Otago rugby team has been regularly performing a haka on its tour of Japan.
If it's a one-off and simply for the purpose of attracting attention and promoting New Zealand in a country known to love all things Kiwi, then I will suppress my gagging reflex for a moment.
But if North Otago has developed some sort of haka it intends to perform in the future, I will despair. Pray that it isn't true. It would be the worst thing to happen to a fine rugby province since some idiot coined the nickname Turbines.

My World Cup XV - Centre

In which the blogger picks the team he wants to represent the All Blacks when they choke compete in the Rugby World Cup in September-October.

13 - Conrad Smith

One of the easier decisions, right?

I guess so. Smith has certainly been an automatic selection in recent years when he's been fit - which has, happily, been a more common state than in his early years.

But he's an interesting case. He doesn't demand selection because of his dynamism, or his game-breaking abilities, or the fact he is called Richie, Dan or Big Bad Brad.

Smith's great asset is his ultra-consistency. He shows up, always, and does the things a good centre is supposed to do.

I mean, he's a classy player, don't get me wrong. He's defensively sound, a nice runner, a fine distributor, a leader and a mistake-free footballer. And he's intelligent because, you know, he's a qualified LAWYER, which approximately 872 profiles of him have mentioned.

But you would never say Smith was on the same level as a Brian O'Driscoll or a Stirling Mortlock. You don't look back over a year and pinpoint the games in which Smith made you jump off your seat and yell "faaaarrrrkkkkk".

He is what he is: an experienced, quality midfielder who won't let you down.

Plus, he doesn't really have contenders breathing down his neck. I'm a great admirer of the Highlanders' Kenny Lynn, but you wouldn't call him All Black material. Jared Payne (Blues) has talent but is buggering off, and team-mate Isaia Toeava isn't a centre in my book.

The Chiefs . . . er, who plays centre for the Chiefs? Checking Google.....checking......ah, of course, Richard Kahui. Big, strong, talented, good-looking and always injured. I first met Kahui five years ago when he was drafted into the Highlanders. Lovely kid and a real talent. But will his body ever allow him to string a series of games together?

No 13 goes to Mr Smith. No contest. Just look at this face!

Mavericks put a ring on it

The 2011 NBA finals are in the books, with the Dallas Mavericks completing a 4-2 series win over the Miami Heat.

Whichever way the series went, there was going to be an extraordinary story. It was either going to be a first ring for ze great German Dick Nowitzki, the veteran point guard Jason Kidd and the controversial owner Mark Cuban with the Mavericks; or the evil star-packed Heat was going to make everybody eat their words.

Some background.

The Dallas Mavericks had never won an NBA title. But a couple of shrewd deals on the night of the 1998 draft, when they landed rookie Nowitzki and point guard Steve Nash for chump change - no, literally; they gave up the late Robert "Tractor" Traylor and Pat Garrity - set the franchise up for years of success.

The Mavericks became a perennial playoff team but could never get it done. In 2006, they reached the finals - also against the Heat - and led 2-0. But the Heat, led by a young Dwyane Wade and Shaquille O'Neal, then won four straight, helped by some dubious officiating.

Cuban, the Mavs owner known for his obscene wealth and propensity to get into trouble with the league's head office, kept rolling the dice, flicking Nash to the Suns and building a cast of veteran players around Nowitzki.

Meanwhile, the Heat had become a bit of a non-entity after the 2006 championship. But that all changed last year when, in possibly the most extraordinary collusion between elite athletes in the history of sport, superstar LeBron James and classy big man Chris Bosh decided to join close friend Wade.

James unwisely chose to announce his decision in an hour-long ESPN special called . . . The Decision, an appalling piece of self-promotion that made him the most pilloried figure in American sport, and turned "taking my talents to South Beach" into a catchphrase.

So in the battle between the hard-working Mavericks and the super-team Heat, it is fair to say 99% of the basketball world was rooting (American usage) for the Dallas men.

I didn't like way James left his former Cleveland Cavaliers team, but the level of opprobrium directed at him was crazy over the top. When it boils down to it, he's a basketball player hoping to win championships by joining two other great players.

Still, I was supporting the Mavericks and I'm very pleased they won. I respect Nowitzki, but I have been a long fan of Kidd, the 38-year-old floor general who will go down as one of the greatest point guards of all time.

For LeBron, the next few weeks and months are going to be very difficult as people line up to take shots at him.

But he and Wade and Bosh are too good and too young. They will be back, and they will get their rings.

Some links to post-finals reaction.-

Cuban finally gets to gloat

Cleveland people rejoice in LeBron's failure

The great Joe Posnanski offers his thoughts

"It was over before it was over"

The king of callers

Sad news this week that the great Australian rugby league commentator, Ray Warren, is battling prostate cancer.

"Rabs", the voice of the greatest game of all, has just turned 68. He plans to carry on commentating as long as possible and, going by the quotes in this story, he's facing the big C head on.

The great man urges other blokes to be aware of the disease, which is still "one of the least talked about cancers".

Warren, along with running mates "Fatty" (Paul Vautin) and "Sterlo" (Peter Sterling), has been the voice of league for as long as most of us can remember.

And what a voice. The inflections, the phrases, the excitement - they're as familiar to us as Richie Benaud's cricket drawl, or the late Bill McLaren's silky rugby descriptions.

I'd put Ray Warren in the pantheon of great sports commentators, along with Benaud, McLaren, Martin Tyler (my favourite football commentator) and Al Michaels (American football).

On the home front, I've always rated Grant Fox's analysis of rugby, Grant Nisbett is a solid performer, Martin Crowe has his moments and Andrew Dewhurst does a good job with football.

On the flip side, of course, some people should not be let loose near a microphone. Yes, I'm talking about you, Willie Los'e and Ian Jones and Lieutenant Dan and Fred de Jong.

I was also never a massive fan of Formula 1 legend Murray Walker, though apparently others were a little more enamoured.

These lists from Yahoo Sports - the 50 best and worst sports commentators - are limited to American voices but make interesting reading.

Oh, and don't forget Andy Gray, the poster boy for disgraced sports commentators in recent years.

My Team - Valley

This article - written by me - appeared in the April 22-28, 2010 issue of Rugby News magazine.

VALLEY OF THE KINGS

Family and spirit – they are the two most common words used in descriptions of the Valley club.
In small New Zealand provinces, rugby clubs provide many similar benefits of a strong, secure family life, and Valley is a shining example.
The tight-knit club attracts players, coaches and administrators back, year after year after year, because of their love of the place and the social benefits it offers.
“Basically it’s a social thing. People of a like mind get to come together and enjoy themselves and play a bit of rugby,” Valley stalwart Colin Mavor said.
“It’s been like that from day one, for young and old. It’s just a good social centre of the community, and the family ties within the club are very strong.
“We’ve always fought above our weight and I think that shows what the club is made of.”

Valley is based in Weston, a satellite town just 5km inland from Oamaru.
The odd player comes out from town but the majority are rural-based.
“We’ve got farmers, farm workers, stock agents, seed merchants and one shearer this year,” Mavor explains.
Valley was formed in 1988 when three rural clubs within a 10km radius – Weston Pirates, Enfield and Union (based in Ngapara) – realised they could not continue for much longer.
“The clubs just weren’t footing it on their own. There weren’t so many young guys around and every club was struggling,” Valley historian Allan Paterson recalls.
“There was a lot of emotion at that time. I remember we went to a meeting at Union one night and explained what was going on and some of them were horrified. After a while, people started to realise a merger was the best way forward. It was a unanimous decision in the end.”
Union retained its schoolboy section but the rest of the Valley club, decked out in its new blue and gold colours, made its debut in 1989.
Valley has since won four Citizens Shields, in 1998, 1999, 2005 and 2009. In 2005, it also won the combined North Otago-South Canterbury competition, which has sadly fallen by the wayside.
Home base is the distinctive oval at the Weston Sports Ground. The bowl-style ground, created from farmland by the Weston Progress League decades ago, allows people to park their cars and utes overlooking the action, creating unique views and atmosphere.
Valley and its founding clubs have not produced any All Blacks but Valley has had five New Zealand Heartland representatives: hooker Tobias Sekona and backs Ryan McCarthy, Scott Mayhew, Hamish McKenzie and Faaitu Tuamoheloa. Dean Paterson also played for a New Zealand Legends team in 1999.
The club has had its share of stalwarts and three of the greatest have been hooker Barry Fox, utility back Nathan Cunningham and midfield back Mike Mavor. All three have had long careers with both the club and North Otago.
Off the field, people like Colin Mavor, Allan Paterson, Peter Twiss, Ian Mavor, long-serving secretary June Campbell and popular barman Malcolm Allison keep things ticking over.
Valley is fielding a premier team in the Citizens Shield this season, hopes to have a senior team and will have seven or eight schoolboy teams.
The club also has netball and cricket teams, with its top cricket team reaching the final of the North Otago club competition this summer.

GREATEST MOMENT

Played 18, won 18, 909 points for, 140 points against, two trophies won.
That added up to some sort of season for Valley in 2005, when it romped to victory in both the Citizens Shield and combined North Otago-South Canterbury competitions.
Valley beat Maheno 35-25 after extra time in the Citizens Shield final, and thumped fellow North Otago club Old Boys 35-15 in the Aoraki Cup final.
An unbeaten season is an extraordinary effort by any club at any level, but victory in the combined competition was particularly sweet for Valley. North Otago clubs dominated the competition to such an extent the South Cantabrians eventually pulled out.
Veteran back Nathan Cunningham led Valley with 266 points and classy winger Scott Mayhew scored 30 tries, but everyone contributed in a team coached by Barry Matthews, now a Highlanders assistant, and Peter Rowland.
The club’s Senior B side also won the second-tier of both the North Otago (Burns Shield) and combined competitions that year.

CLUB LEGEND

COLIN MAVOR
You can’t go far at Valley without bumping into a Mavor, and Colin is the patriarch of a family that has given so much to the rugby club.
‘Snow’ Mavor, a farmer at Airedale just over the hill from the rugby ground, was the founding president of the merged club, serving in that role for five years. He was the club’s first life member and is back serving as chairman this season.

Mavor played for Enfield and Union, two of the clubs that formed Valley, along with his triplet brothers, Ian and the late Bruce. Colin and Denise Mavor have four sons – Stefan, Jason, Paul and Matthew – all of whom have played for Valley, with Jason and Stefan still pulling on the boots.
Other Mavors, nephews of Colin, to have won the Valley jersey with distinction include Mike, Nathan, Geoff and the late James. Another nephew, former Wairarapa-Bush and Heartland XV inside back Hamish McKenzie, is in the present squad.